Week 38

This is it

Hello, my friends.

Once again, the suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts.

Here we are. At the end of what has been the most entertaining Premier League season we’ve ever shared together. What a thing we’ve accomplished.

My Super Senior year of college, I ran the spring festival. At the University of Texas, it was called 40 Acres Fest¹ because our original campus was 40 acres in size. Sixteen Hectare Fest was not taken, but also, not as poetic sounding. 1.742e+6 Square Feet Fest is what Google tells me it would be called, if you’re an algorithm.

Anyway, after months and months and months of planning that included me driving to Houston to tow back a generator named Colossus². Our adviser grabbed me the night before and told me, “at some point tomorrow, and I want you to tell me when you’re doing this, go somewhere by yourself. Turn off your phone. Turn off your radio. Take ten minutes for yourself to enjoy all the work this team did for yourself. I want you to tell me what you smell, because if you’re concentrating on the smell, you’re getting into and living that moment.³”

I could sit here and break down all sorts of inane shit about this absolutely insane final day of the Premier League season, but what’s really important to me today, is you take a few minutes of the match you’re watching today. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t say a word (If you can. Sometimes you just have to tell a ref to eat a bowl of dicks. I get it.) and just look around the room and savor it. If you’re in the bathroom at the Monro with me today while you’re doing this, do not tell me about the smell.

Think about how at this moment all around the world, folks are dialed into this. Whether in the 10 stadiums across England, or at their pubs or sitting on their couches, or watching on their phones while stuck in traffic.

Because, I - for one - am about to really miss this for the next 3 months.

There’s about a 20 percent chance today turns out the way I want it to. But there’s a 100 percent chance this has been a blast. And I’m pretty sure I’d be saying that if, like Everton, it was Liverpool that secured 18 place and partied like they’d won College Week at Jeopardy!

“Maybe this will make your blog,” he said

Maybe sometime this week, I’ll explain this celebrity sighting to you, I say.

Take care of yourself, and each other. You can be sure I’ll pop back in the next week or so to take my medicine about my preseason predictions and my guesses last week. Enjoy wherever you are.

-Colby

1. It was not named that by me.

2. It was named that by me.

3. I can tell you I smelled a Shiner Bock that felt like the most delicious beer in the world at that moment. Also, it was 1999, and the world (read: my taste in beers) was vastly different.