Week 2
But it's a first
Last week’s triumphs have me wondering what Dolly Parton did the week after she wrote Jolene and I Will Always Love You.
Maybe she started a duo1?
It sucks when you realize you’re an unreliable narrator and it’s your story you’re telling. The good news is, the person who can correct me can come along quickly.
Long about 5 years ago, I started vibing with the Instagram account “ThankYouBaseball.” (Don’t go looking for it. You’ll see why.) At some point in there. ThankYouBaseball asked me to be a test case for a new webstore they were setting up. I was asked to buy a blue Champion hoodie with PLAKATA across the front in the Blue Jays font.
This was the weirdest Nigerian prince scam I’d ever found. But I do love a good fucking hoodie, so I bit.
Well, a certain MLB Network personality got wind of this fun and shut that shit down. But not before my PLAKATA hoodie got delivered. I am told, and the corrector can correct me, that I have the only one in existence. And it fucking rocks.
It turns out ThankYouBaseball is a dude named Zan in Toronto. It has also turned out that Zan is also a Liverpool supporter and Zan also speaks fluent WWE. And Zan has also taken up a really great (mostly about) baseball Substack called Wherever You May Be. Zan has also become a father in the last year (the kid is probably 9 already … time being a flat circle when you have small children).
About the only fault I can find with Zan is his complete adoration of the 2015 Toronto Blue Jays who, top to bottom, had absolutely the most face punchable lineup in organized baseball’s entire history. (debate in the comments)
I’m dragging him into co-collaborating over here almost entirely because of his insane devotion and commitment to actually getting content out on Substack. An accountability buddy.
Anything to add, Zan?
No idea how this will go, so let’s go with it.
CB: Thoughts on Week 1, Zan?
ZR: Well, Colby, thanks for having me. First of all, calling yourself an unreliable narrator is the most reliable thing I’ve ever heard you say padum tsh
I did indeed have an account called ThankYouBaseball over on Instagram but we aren’t here to talk about the past, we are here to dive into the future and imagine all the bright, boundless possibilities that lie ahead (seriously, though, don’t go looking for that account because it’s not there anymore *shakes fist at Mark Zuckerberg*)
One beautiful thing to come out of that page, without a doubt, was a friendship with Colby. He is indeed the sole owner of that 1/1 Plakata hoodie and I look forward to the day that he gets to wear it after Vladimir Guerrero Jr. wins World Series MVP and he can walk around New York telling everyone the story. The hoodie idea also had to be shutdown because of said MLB Network analyst *shakes fist at former first baseman who played 14 years in the Majors and accumulated a 25.5 WAR*
Colby has been one of my fiercest supporters from day one and so when he asked me to be a part of Kop of Coffee, it was the easiest and quickest yes ever. Even though we’ve never met in person it feels like we’ve been friends forever. As it turns out, we have way more in common than we ever imagined.
I tried to hang out with him when I visited New York a few years back and scoffed when he told me that it would be tough with a newborn baby to take care of. Maybe he wasn’t Colby after all – just some AI generated personality playing the long game to get back at me for the Nigerian Plakata Prince scam I had pulled off years earlier
But then, earlier this year, I had my own son and I would like to go on the record and apologize to Colby as I COMPLETELY get it now. That shared experience, realizing how planning your life gets flipped turned upside-down made everything click. It’s what we talk about almost every week; baseball, Liverpool, WWE and now, raising kids. My Substack started as a baseball project, but now I am excited to expand and talk about one of my other loves, Liverpool FC, with all of you.
Also for the record, the 2015 Blue Jays lineup was most certainly a group of dirtbags and assholes but they were OUR dirtbags and assholes. It doesn’t get any cooler than having a team in your city that the entire world loves to hate. That Toronto team was the classic heel and they will live in my heart until the end of time.
Now for some actual thoughts on the week that was in the Premier League…
First and foremost, Adidas is absolutely CRUSHING it with the kits they’re putting out this season. I already knew that I would want to own every piece of Liverpool merchandise that they were going to put out but I didn’t realize how much I missed the long-sleeve look on the pitch. Fernando Torres is one of my all-time favourite players and seeing Mohammed Salah rocking the long-sleeves against Bournemouth had all the feelings I had for the 2008 squad rushing back. It’s amazing how something as simple as a long-sleeved kit can trigger that kind of nostalgia and how it can connect the present to those magical moments we fell in love with way back when.
As we head into Week 2 of the season, there is an electricity in the air that only the early season can bring. Every team still believes they can achieve something special and Liverpool’s opening day performance reminded us why hope springs eternal at Anfield. Narratives for every team will surely start to develop especially for the Reds as the head to St. James’ Park to take on Newcastle United where the spotlight and the drama will surely land on the Alexander Isak situation. What are some other spicy transfer situations we’ll all be watching this week?
I’ll probably hate-watch Arsenal as they take on Leeds United and, as Colby pointed out, have no choice but to tune into Manchester City hosting Spurs on Saturday. My son will probably be having a milk-drunk nap after his 6am feed and it will give me the perfect execute to settle into the couch with a….kop of coffee…and soak in some early season magic. For those who know nothing about Leeds, there is an excellent film called The Damned United that taught me a little bit about history and also helped me learn about the legend that is Brian Clough.
Some teams will begin to announce themselves as genuine contenders this week, others will start showing cracks that will haunt them come May. Isn’t that the beauty of this game? Each week brings new possibilities, new heartbreak, new joy. As we find our groove for another magical Premier League campaign, I can’t help but feel grateful for the friendships and connections this beautiful game has brought into my life, for the shared moments of pure elation and devastating disappointment, and for the simple fact that each year, we get to do it all over again.
What’s your take, Colby?
Colby here. I love this … because I was about to say, (and my wife can back me up on this) that I wanted us to all finally admit that we (LFC fans) got all hyped about our new shirts entirely out of nostalgia. But I was hoping now that we could all admit that Adidas just re-skinned every club’s shirts and they’re all templated. I do love the theory that we have long sleeved shirts again. In practice, it bugs the shit out of me that the three stripes break going down the sleeve patches.
For the record, Zan and I talked about picking a non-LFC match each week to commit to watching. I am down for that, but I also have been sitting on something.
I’m going to propose over the next … time span … that we commit to watching this:‘Rush to Justice”
Ian Rush has put his name to a 90-minute, score-settling, AI musical – in the style of Hamilton – about his legal battle against a Surrey scaffolding company and a small Wigan law firm, in so doing attacking, among others, Robbie Fowler and Jamie Carragher.
I think it speaks volumes to the current plan of countless political administrations in this world that the zone is so flooded that we’re not all agog about … this. Maybe this is the first punishment one of us has to endure.
Premier League Gameweek 2 Schedule
Friday, August 22
3:00 PM
West Ham United - Chelsea (USA Network, Universo; FuboTV) CB: do we really make you watch the Premier League on a network called USA in Canada?
Saturday, August 23
7:30 AM
Manchester City - Tottenham Hotspur (USA Network, Universo; FuboTV) CB: If you’re like us, your kid’s gonna have you up at 0600 hrs anyway, which is good news for watching this match of the week.
10:00 AM
Bournemouth - Wolverhampton Wanderers (Peacock; FuboTV) | I look for Bournemouth to finish second this season.
Brentford - Aston Villa (USA Network; FuboTV) | Sorry, Craig. Until it bites me in the ass, I am full on Villa all year in honor of The Prince of Darkness. (Ozzy Osbourne. Not Barron Trump.)
Burnley - Sunderland (Peacock; FuboTV) | The Relegation Stakes start early this year.
12:30 PM
Arsenal - Leeds United (NBC, Peacock, Universo; FuboTV) | That Damned United Leeds a lot to be desired this year.
Sunday, August 24
9:00 AM
Crystal Palace - Nottingham Forest (Peacock; FuboTV) CB: I’m getting really sick of wondering if Crystal Palace are actually pretty good. Last three out they’ve drawn LFC in the last match of the year last year. Beaten LFC in the Community Shield and drawn with Chelsea. Rebecca Lowe is getting so smug. (I can’t believe I’ve written these words.)
Everton - Brighton & Hove Albion (USA Network, Telemundo; FuboTV) CB: Opening a new stadium at the docks against the Seagulls. Bold strategy.
11:30 AM
Fulham - Manchester United (USA Network, Telemundo; FuboTV) | I’ve got a 4 year old’s birthday party during this one. Zan’s gotta take copious notes.
Monday, August 25
3:00 PM
Newcastle United - Liverpool (USA Network, Universo; FuboTV) | There exists a chance I have three 4 year old girls and one 6 month old boy in my party for this one. Thoughts and prayers.
Colby’s oldest open browser tab
Ok, cheating some. My oldest open browser tab is that Ian Rush musical.
Instead, I’m sharing this, which I think I shared to all my socials:
It is not lost on me that we have been severely lacking in covering women’s sports around here. Some serious thought is going to go into that. Speaking only for me, we definitely watch less women’s sports. But we do watch a good bit of the USWNT. We did watch much of the Tour de France Femmes this year. But we haven’t spotlighted it and we should.
More newness
Also, you might have noticed I am really shit about making art for these posts. So I’m going to try another something new this week. I’m going to find a fantasy team name out there in the universe that makes me laugh and AI art to it. So here goes:
Haaland Oates
Let’s work on some of their bigger numbers. Like, Rich Goal and Private Nines.
OK. Until we figure out a better sign off. Take care of yourself, and each other.
IMMEDIATELY after hitting send I remembered what Dolly Parton did the week after she wrote Jolene and I Will Always Love You. She walked up to Porter Waggoner and (work) dumped him to go off on her own.
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