HELLO, MY FRIENDS.
Bad news: the last 8 weeks of my life have been a drop. dead. sprint1.
Good news: we’re pretty much smooooooooth sailing for the next 6 weeks.
No more 48 hour trips to Amsterdam. No more 2 weddings in a week. No more Jack White concerts. No more cancelled Macbeths because James Bond got Covid. No more opening day at Yankee Stadium. No more launching the first brewery in the metaverse. No more sisters visiting. No more helping my neighborhood frenemy launch his new celebrity wine brand2.
Shit. This life is boring already.
Let’s get to it, I’ve got paint to watch dry, grass to watch grow and a kid that just about raised herself.
Saturday
7:30 AM
Newcastle-Liverpool (USA - Universo)
The hottest team in the league since February versus the hottest team in the world. Can the Saudigeordis end the hopes and dreams of the free world? Probably. Mike Dean is in VAR.
10:00
Aston Villa - Norwich (CNBC - Universo)
Anytime your match boots Jim Cramer off the air, you know no one gives a shit.
Southampton - Crystal Palace (Peacock)
A win means Southampton is mathematically unable to be relegated.
Watford - Burnley (USA)
If you squint, it looks like Wilford Brimley, who was my age when he filmed Cocoon.
Wolves - Brighton (Peacock)
Don’t look now, but a Wolves win gets them in 7th and that coveted, shitty Europa League spot no one really wants. It’s like being written up at work and being able to say to your boss, “Look! I am trying! You can tell!”
12:30
Leeds - Man City (NBC - Universo)
I won’t let myself watch this match, but I will get a push notification that pisses me off. Then another one in quick succession. Then 4 more.
Sunday
9:00 AM
Everton - Chelsea (Telemundo - USA)
Who the hell knows here? I know what ought to happen. But I don’t always get what I want.
Spurs - Leicester (Peacock)
It’s hard to believe Everton-Chelsea knocked this to a streaming option. Spurs by 5.
11:30
West Ham - Arsenal (Telemundo - USA)
Match of the weekend. The other, other, other, other, no, other London Derby. Four v seven. Winner takes all. (Winner doesn’t take anything.)
Monday
3:00 PM
Man United - Brentford (USA - Universo)
One of my great joys from this season has been the post match Instagram stories from a Man U friend of mine in the neighborhood. Now that I have a (gasp) 8 month old daughter, I am significantly less of an asshole. But I still gotta get my asshole jollys somewhere, and that somewhere is these Instagram stories. Inject them into my veins. Brentford by 12.
OK, it’s 5:30 and I have made it far too late not smelling of gin.
Take care of yourself, and each other.
-Colby
Though not really, as I sprinted 200 yards last week after leaving my phone at the bar and nearly collapsed in a heap.
Photo credit: me and / or my wife.
https://www.pix.wine/the-drop/diy-celebrity-wine-label/
oh hey I'm going to that Macbeth in a week and a half
I am officially supporting Liverpool tomorrow despite my long term* support of NUFC. In addition, I’ve placed a token sum on the Reds. What I’m saying is, apologies in advance if they run back that recent 0-0 draw. (I ruin everything.)
*3.5 years, lol