Hello, my friends.
Let’s do this.
This week in aging
I was trading emails with my doctor, trying to get a colonoscopy scheduled. After several emails going back and forth, I wrote:
Sorry for being a pain in the ass. (and then I couldn’t stop myself from writing) Ba Dum Tisssss.
This week in learning
Migrating birds sleep by turning off one hemisphere of their brain at a time.
Source: Some podcast I was listening to while half asleep this morning.
This week in spending
NBC aka Comcast aka The Cock won the bidding for *doesn’t check notes* 20 more years of Premier League coverage at *still not checking notes* $1 billion a year.
OK, I think it’s 6 years and $2.7 billion. But the big news is this: when you bundle it all together (IE champions league, Bundesliga, International competitions, Serie A, MLS, etc.), soccer is now the #4 team sport in US broadcasting.
Ain’t that some shit?
This week in firing
Ole is at the wheel … of a U-Haul.
Look, I watch footy PRIMARILY for the drama. (I originally typed trauma. Oops.) And though I’m definitely biased in this instance, you have to appreciate the Shakespearean drama of these last 3 years at Manchester United.
Legendary player gets brought in to right the ship on an interim basis.
Exceeds expectations. Rights ship. Gets asked to become permanent manager.
Club spends a good amount of money on players.
Club decides to spearhead Super League.
Club’s supporters RIOT.
Club backs down.
Club spends a good amount more money on players.
Ole cobbles together a bit of a strategy. There’s a rotation there. There’s substitution patterns.
Ole manages to finish second in the League.
Club spends more money on players.
Another (aging) club legend looks to make a return … to the club’s cross town rivals. The Club can’t have that. Throws more money at aging club legend and manager’s former teammate.
*checks notes because Man U apparently didn’t* Sees that aging club legend has gotten 3 coaches fired in 4 years. Fourth time’s a charm?
And then that lineup Ole got handed is just a fucking disaster. Ole, loyal player and servant of the club, suffers the slings and arrows. Ole get canned.
Shakespeare couldn't even dream this shit up.
And, best of all, Manchester United have managed to put the waffle in twat waffle.
By drawing this out the last month, the following A-list managers have come off the table: Conte, Steven Gerrard (probably not a realistic hire for Man U, but still) Xavi (also probably not a realistic hire for Man U, but still), Eddie Howe and Dean Smith.
Zinedine Zidane has apparently taken his name out of contention. That’s all really going to hurt their negotiating with Pochettino, who is apparently the only person dumb enough to want this job.
As a Liverpool fan, I love every ounce of this. The last three nights I’ve gone to bed and my mouth has hurt from smiling about it all day. There’s the Sun Tzu confusion in my enemy’s camp angle for sure. But I also have zero faith Manchester United is about to get this whole thing right.
As a Texas Longhorns football observer, I’ve seen this movie a few times. It’s nice to be on the other side for once.
This week in boosting
I just got my Covid operating system updated today. Originally, I was team Pfizer, but I went with a Moderna top off. Yes. It’s the only cocktail I’ve had in two months.
All joking aside, there’s a couple of serious Covid cases in my extended family right now. Let’s not fuck this up, folks. We’re at the 5 yard line (sorry for throwing American football lingo in here) going into the end zone. Wear some masks. Get some shots. Wash some hands.
This week in questing
tl;dr: I want a bottle of Blanton’s bourbon with a 9/1 dump date. If you find one, I will pay you for the whiskey, and your time. .
Per the distiller, bottles around that date were shipped to New York, Massachusetts, Montana, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Maryland, Minnesota, Virginia and California. If you should find yourself in or through any of those states this Thanksgiving and are so inclined (IE, you don’t mind perusing a liquor store for a stranger, or you find yourself really in need of reasons to leave the house) I’d love your help.
Background is here1
This week in results
Leicester 0 - 3 Chelsea
I remember getting some stick by folks way smarter than me when I, in August, said, Chelsea will win the treble.
I don’t remember saying that the reason they’d dominate was the play of Romelu Lukaku. Don’t remember that at all.
Also, you think Leicester’s Brendan Rodgers has maybe tanked to cool the talk to Man U?
Aston Villa 2 - 0 Brighton
Happy Stevie G makes Colby B happy.
Burnley 3 - 3 Crystal Palace
Palace played well enough to win, but just couldn’t do it. That feels like a two points dropped for them that’s going to be key later in the season.
Newcastle 3 - 3 Brentford
Newcastle gave up an own goal. Otherwise, they really dominated this match in possession, corners, attempts, xG … all those things that tend to lead to wins. But also they gave up an own goal. And yet …
Norwich 2 - 1 Southampton
The Canaries win drops Newcastle to last place in the League.
Sorry, COD. Also favorite Saint of mine, shoot an email to colby@colbyangusblack.com I have Southampton shirt questions.
Watford 4 - 1 Manchester United
There is no better writing about this than Men In Blazers’ Instagram post, which reads:
Watch Ole Gunnar Solskjaer recreate Sean Penn’s Oscar nominated role in Dead Man Walking. Humanly hard to watch. He undoubtedly loves Manchester United. We are watching a man realize he is killing the thing he loves. Watford running rampant over United’s carcass closest we may come to watching Goths sack Rome in our lifetime
Bravo! That’s just perfect.
Wolves 1 - 0 West Ham
Wolves were the team I missed by 8 spots when I did my blind ranking of the table two weeks ago. I will not make that mistake again. Wolves move up to 6th.
Liverpool 4 - 0 Arsenal
We’re back, baby! Nothing can stop us now!
Manchester City 3 - 0 Everton
They’re back, baby! They’re going to stop us now!
Spurs 2 - 1 Leeds
I missed all the action in this match as I had to go to a wake, of sorts. Johnny Mack’s my first, original neighborhood spot when I moved to Brooklyn 6 years ago, closed. It came as a shock, but It didn’t. It had been a staple of the neighborhood since the early 90s, and It will be dearly missed. A true place where everybody knows your name.
For my 40th birthday a few years ago, I talked them into letting me host Colby Black Trivia Night. My wife’s team came in 3rd.
It’s also the place where I watched game 7 of the 2016 World Series. Rajai Davis’ bottom of the 8th game tying homer caused me to start jumping up and down. Unfortunately, for everyone around me, I was holding a fresh tallboy can of Narragansett. Oops.
Johnny Mack’s was also the kind of place that wouldn’t let me mop the floor after jumping up and down with a can of Narragansett in my hand.
Sigh. The good news is, they closed because they thought it was time. Not because they were forced out. The bad news is. there’ll never be that exact gathering of those exact characters ever again.
Hey, be careful out there. Drive safe. Don’t fry a turkey indoors. Don’t thaw your turkey too early. Know your familial triggers and remove yourself from them.
In other words, take care of yourself, and each other.
-Colby
Let me preface this by saying Blanton’s is not my favorite bourbon.
When my wife and I were dating a few years ago, I learned that the stoppers in the top of Blanton bottles have letters on the bottom that spell out B-L-A-N-T-O-N-S. When I learned this, I went on a quest to get all the horses. I spent every lunch break for months taking walks around my midtown Manhattan office. Popping into liquor store after liquor store to check inventory.
I must have timed it just right, as I went months without finding a single bottle of Blanton’s. But I would drop my business card or leave my number with every liquor store.
Well, one day, the levee broke, and I started getting calls from just about every liquor store in a 20 block radius of my office. I couldn’t pass up these offers and I didn’t want to leave all my new friends hanging, so I started snatching up bottles. Day 1, I hit up 3 of my friends and got a bottle from each. Day 2, brought 3 more. I kept coming back from lunch with all these particular bottles of this particular whiskey. My coworkers started asking if everything was OK at home.
Essentially, this went on for about two weeks. I started getting more and more selective, though. I found myself down to two letters. I needed the A and I needed the S. (Mercifully, I’d gotten both Ns on day one - whew.) I also had a lot of spares.
So I was sitting at my friend’s bar one night. I noticed a Blanton’s bottle behind the bar. On a lark, I said, “Elio, what letter is that?” It turned out to be my S! He wouldn’t let me have it that night, but he did agree he’d trade me stoppers if I brought him another one. I got home that night and threw a spare B bottle into a decanter. We made the trade the next night. All I needed was my A!
Through it all, my girlfriend had been more than supportive. Which really says something when you’re on a ridiculous vision quest like this. Especially when you hadn’t exactly budgeted for ~$1500 in sudden bourbon expenditures in a month.
It was on the way home from my horse trading of a B for an S that my girlfriend made me promise I would only buy a Blanton’s bottle if it was the A. I agreed and told her I’d buy her a bottle of wine once we got off the subway and started our walk home.
We walked into our local liquor store (which I had not gotten a single bottle from) and there’s Blanton’s bottle on the top shelf. “Well, we have to look, don’t we?”
It was my A. Quest complete. Achievement unlocked.
(It also bears noting that for Halloween that year, I wore a shirt that said, “I followed my heart and it led me to whiskey,” and she was a Blanton/s bottle. Complete with racehorse fascinator.)
That next year, we got engaged, and it was in no small part due to how I saw her support me in my B-L-A-N-T-O-N-S quest. So when we were shopping for wedding bands, and I found a company that will put a stave of the barrel of your choice witihin the band, I had to go with a Blanton’s barrel-lined wedding band. A constant reminder of how you support someone even when they’re doing something completely nuts.
Love the Blantons story. My wife--then girlfriend--hunted for them until we finally had a full set. Fun fact, if you still have them, you can send it to the Buffalo Trace gift shop. They will mount it on a barrel stave and send it back to you for FREE.
Sorry, Colby, we're not getting to any of those states. We're staying in Maine. Why do you need that particular bottle if you've already completed the Blantons?