Marathon Week

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like literally any produce in our house longer than 8 minutes.

Hello, my friends.

Readership here breaks into two camps:

1. you wonder where the hell I’ve been the last two months.

2. you’re my wife.

High level view: I’ve spent the last 4 months letting all the things that don’t matter matter way too much.

Low level view: I got put on an absolutely awful project at work that in no way lined up with my actually very cutting-edge, in-demand, award-winning, historic expertise for an absolutely awful client that didn’t have a clue what they needed, nor did our account team have a clue what the project needed. But that didn’t stop the account team from promising the client team that we’d hit all these deadlines with all these deliverables. And the clients were so clueless they didn’t even say, “wait … this should take 50 people to do this … and you’ve got 6. Supwidat?”

Also, said client’s business goals don’t exactly align with my worldview. For example, their Wikipedia page features sections such as, “Liver disease inquiries,” “Pyramid scheme allegations,” “FTC investigation” and “U.S. Justice Department investigation of bribery in China.” Also, John Oliver once did a 32 minute episode on them that I am sure you can find on YouTube.

Also, they’re located on the West Coast, and fuck those people and their 7:30 pm meetings.

And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, October 1, I was told I was moving 50 percent to another couple of awesome projects. Which made my wife ask, “are you going to be 50-50 or 150-50?”

For the last month, it has been the latter. Which is to say, same horrible workload from [client] with 4 more hours piled on top of it that I really wanted to do, but would get to start on at about 8 pm.

Also, I have spent much of the last two months dreading the end of our democracy.

Also, with the Mets and Guardians making the playoffs, we got a double dose of Playoff Baseball Colby. Which is the absolute worst version of Colby that exists. I love baseball for the “we’ll get ‘em tomorrow”-ness of it. And when you take that away, I don’t care for it.

Also, I have spent about 95 hours playing Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey on the Xbox until ungodly hours. The game is just enough strategic violence sprinkled in with just enough Greek mythology to be just too much for me to put the controller down. Except to slam the controller into the couch because the goddamned bounty hunters are omnipresent and way over powered. And they’re fucking cheaters.

And, also, no one ever talks about how fucking impossibly hard it is to raise a kid with no family members readily available. More on this later … over the next 17 years, or until it becomes easier.

But I’ve gotten the boat pulled through the storm. For the moment.

Footy

So besides all that utter shit my professional life turned into for a third of my first year as a working parent, my greatest regret in this two month delay, is that I haven’t been here to take the stick on Liverpool’s season. I’m here for all your hot takes, regardless of how chilly they’ve become. Cause good fucking god. We’re awful.

Speaking of awful, we’re ~2 weeks out from the 2022 World Cup. Yes, the one I have been saying for two years the US Men’s National Team will win.

It’s in the bag, folks. Totally got this shit. Book the parades.

And, on a for real note, I am stoked at what our great showing in this World Cup will do for the beautiful game. Banter bar, here in Brooklyn, opened up for England-US reservations yesterday and the whole bar booked up in an hour. This will be awesome. A World Cup with jackets. I was fucking made for this.

(I am not mentioning the rampant civil rights issues because FIFA told us not to.)

Week 15

Saturday, November 5

11:00

Leeds - Bournemouth (P’Cock) | The Ted Lasso job fight Marsches on.

Man City - Fulham (USA - Universo) | The world (and my fantasy team) are being robbed of 7 Harland goals this week with his injury. I really, really wish him a speedy recovery.

Forest - Brentford (P’Cock) | Only one person I know gives a shit about this match.

Wolves - Brighton (P’Cock) | I guess they have to play, don’t they?

1:30

Everton - Leicester (NBC - Universo) | The Daniel Craig job fight Rodgers on.

Sunday, November 6

4:00

Set your clocks back. But only the first time we hit 04 hundred. Not every time after that. Would be weird.

7:00

The New York City Marathon starts at a Staten Island near you. It’s the largest spectator sport event in the country. And, like the World Cup’s spirit in this town, it’s the greatest day on the NYC calendar. It’s shit for getting around this town beyond your own block, but it’s also the most beautiful day for this city. Every. Damned. Year.

Also, Chelsea host Arsenal over on Telemundo and USA. Match of the weekend?

9:00

Aston Villa - Man U (P’Cock) | Since he’s not busy managing them anymore, maybe Villa can ask Steven Gerrard to suit up for them?

Southampton - Newcastle (P’Cock) | What a difference a year (and getting bought by the richest royal family in the world) makes.

West Ham - Crystal Palace (Telemundo - USA) | People who live in crystal palaces shouldn’t play with hammers.

11:30

Spurs - Liverpool (P’Cock) | 9-nil. Would have been worse but Son is out.

So Substack has rolled out some new chat feature. I have no idea if I have also rolled out said feature, because I am a parent now and I can’t use any technology. So keep your eyes out for that.

And finally, on another note. If you’ve read this before, (and judging by my open rates, none of you have) you know I close out with the words, “take care of yourself, and each other.”

It’s especially relevant now as we get into Movember, with its added emphasis on mental health. And especially extra relevant lately with an incident in my extended family last week.

Seriously, talk about your goddamned feelings and your emotions. You are not alone, and there are shit tons of people that care about you. And, as many folks in my family know after lots of drunken, teary FaceTiming last weekend, if there’s ever anything I can do, I will. Even if what you most need is for me to not drunk weepy FaceTime you for the first time in years.

Family is family.