Hello, my friends.
Greetings from surviving what I’ve told my wife was the worst month of my life.
“Didn’t you get fired and your first wife kicked you out of the house in the same week?”
Yes. And the other three weeks surrounding that were pretty good, honestly.
Also, the day I got fired, I went to a party. I asked, “who’s that sad sack on the couch over there?”
“Oh, that’s Jaye. She just totaled her car and her dad died.”
We’ve been best friends ever since.
See? Things even out. The sun don’t shine on the same old dog’s rear end everyday, as Darrell K Royal once said.
To catch you up, over the last month, we’ve had a weeklong visit from my father in law and sister in law. A weeklong visit from my estranged/strained mother in law. A week “off.” And a weeklong visit from my mom, dad and (half) sister.
It has been just awful. I know I shouldn't complain that my kid has 4 grandparents and 2 aunts who all love her.
But.
I will complain. It’s been awful.
To keep myself somewhat sane, I’ve compiled official power ratings.
Grand parent of the year
My mother in law. She and my wife had a very strained relationship for years. Which is entirely their business. But it did color / cloud our expectations for the visit. I have to say, she nailed it. Changed tons of diapers. Held the kid. Fed the kid. Gave the proper level of advice. Confirmed our kid is just fussy. Wanted to watch baseball and soccer with me. 100 out of 10.
My dad. I guess. There’s a pretty big gap between 1 and 2 here. Points for being fairly low maintenance. Points for the ease of acquiring and setting up his new iPhone versus my father in law (though that’s probably a function of me getting better at it). Points for mobility (not my father in law’s fault by any means, but still a factor in making dad’s visit easier on me).
But points off for texting a fairly inappropriate joke to my father in law. Points off for not being on an eating schedule and then having troubles with his diabetes. And points off for continually talking American football with me after he should pick up on years of me saying, “I don’t really watch it any more.”
The real difference between my dad getting the 2 spot or the 3 spot comes in him FINALLY agreeing to get hearing aids after years of haranguing him about it. Now he’ll finally be able to hear me say, “we don’t really use those words any more.”
My father in law. I guess. There’s a pretty small gap between 2 and 3. He’s a good guy doing the best he can, and there’s lots to be said for that. But the first day, upon an invite to watch Liverpool with me at the local Liverpool haunt, he did say, “God do I hate soccer.”
Oh yeah. This was news to his soccer playing daughters.
My mother. I wrote a lot here about how horribly she acted, but I don’t have the time to make it not sound petty while keeping it brief. Will sum it up with, “She’s definitely looking at relegation.”
Uncle of the year
My brother in law. Technically, he’s my kid’s only uncle. A really easy choice, Rodney received all the vote in this category. All one of them.
Aunt of the year
My sister. She was fucking amazing.
My sister in law. She subscribes to this newsletter. So it’s a tie.
I kind of always anticipated the last month being a break, of sorts, from this newsletter. I had no way of knowing how much of a break it would be.
I’m hard core Generation X, so I’m kind of used to being in the middle. I’ve never felt that pinch more than in the last month. It felt like I was parenting up and and down the family tree. And I can only imagine that’s going to get a LOT harder as my kid becomes mobile and my parents and in-laws become less mobile.
Going forward, I think I’ve finally recovered from this past month. Going forward, my plan is a light preview email tomorrow for this weekend’s matches. And a bigger catch up email coming out of this weekend’s action on Tuesday.
I also know there’s lots of threads from you, dear readers, that I haven’t followed up on, so look for some grab bag messaging in that Tuesday newsletter.
I appreciate y’all and have missed y’all. (Y’all here includes soccer in general.)
Now, go on. Take care of yourself, and each other.
-Colby
My grandpa refused to get hearing aids and made life miserable for all of us.
My Dad: *Defiantly proclaims* I will never do that!
**25 years pass**
Me: Dad I'm not going to yell if you won't wear hearing aids then there's nothing I can do for you.
My Dad: well if you spoke up like a man instead of a woman then I'd be able to hear you.
Me: Someone please kill me!
We missed you, man. COYS.