Hello, my friends.
I spent a good bit of time today wrapped up in thought about that jury verdict, as well as a hateful comment in a text thread with family members.1 And then, I learned my first local watering hole in Brooklyn will be closing Sunday. And then I spent hours burying myself in Forza Horizon 5 on the X Box
Arrigo Sacchi called football "the most important of the unimportant things in life.” Jürgen Klopp stole that and I thought he came up with it. Regardless, this is a new day, and I’m going to focus on the beautiful game today and tomorrow. Because I kind of can’t bear the rest of this bullshit.
Saturday, 20-November
7:30
Leicester - Chelsea (NBCSn, Universo)
Some suck has to give here: Lukaku or Leicester. Thankfully my pot of gingerbread spice coffee from Imperfect Foods won’t suck.
10:00
Aston Villa - Brighton (NBCSn)
It’s Liverpool legend Steven Gerard’s first game as the head man at Aston Villa. Be nice if he dinged up Brighton a bit for us.
Burnley - Crystal Palace (Peacock)
Man was I wrong about Vieria’s fit at Palace. I keep saying that to keep myself humble.
Newcastle - Brentford (Peacock)
With all due respect to our resident officer in Newcastle’s Toon Army, I hope Brentford snaps out of it.
Norwich - Southampton (Peacock)
I really am looking for the perfect Southampton shirt.
Watford - Manchester United (Peacock)
Portugal got bumped into the consolation bracket for World Cup qualifying over this International Break. I look for an angry, defiant Cristiano Ronaldo to dominate my commercial breaks all Saturday morning.
Wolves - West Ham (USA, Universo)
And like that, 60 percent of your Premier League weekend’s matchups are over.
12:30
Liverpool - Arsenal (NBC, Peacock, Universo)
You might recall that I shared my text mocking my favorite Arsenal fan after their 0-3 start to the season. Well, since then, Arsenal have been on fire, and my beloved Liverpool have been looking vulnerable the last few outings.
Also, my favorite Arsenal fan is arriving in NYC from London today. She won’t be here in time to watch the match with me, though. Also, she listed me as her “sponsor” with the State Department for her visa.
She might not be aware of two things: 1. My sister in law is dating a guy that works for the State Department and 2. I can be really petty when my team loses.
Would be a real shame if I had to text the State Department about visa violations …
Sunday, 21-November
9:00
Manchester City - Everton (NBCSn, Telemundo)
You ever play that game online where you can simulate the impact of various historical bombs and meteorites landing at various locations? I’m sure there’s one just right that could hit this game just right, take out both punkassed teams and not harm the city of Liverpool.
Before you accuse me of rooting for a mass casualty event, I’ll remind you this game is at Man City and the stands will be empty. It’s really the best possible outcome for the world.
11:30
Spurs - Leeds (Don’t touch that dial, also NBCSn, Telemundo)
This is Conte’s second match at the helm of Spurs. Word is he banned sauces from the training table at Tottenham. Has … has … Has Conte ever tasted English cuisine? Is this a war crime?
Unplug this weekend. So you can take care of yourself. And each other.
-Colby
I’d like to unsubscribe. From this family.
Week 12
7:12 this morning ... and already I have 2 corrections:
1. Lukaku is still injured, so it's possible for him and Leicester to both suck this morning. And they did.
2. It's obviously "Gerrard."
FFS.
I hope you enjoyed that game as much as I did. Shame Firmino couldn't get in and put one in the net too. And frankly Liverpool was practically just gravy after watching Man U embarrass itself again. It's a shame Ole won't be around to keep motivating them like that again.